off-center

I’ve been having really terrible dreams lately. The past couple of night they’ve just been stressful school related things. 3 of my design professors have made cameos in my dreams, mostly to tell me I suck. It’s as if my body needs school related stress so when it doesn’t get any durring the day it makes up for it at night. I’d wake up thinking “oh no! I need to finish that paper that’s due tomorrow!” or something. Then after a few minutes of confusion I remember I’m not even IN school right now. I’m pretty sure I’m insane.

But last night was probably the first real nightmare type thing I’ve had in a really long time. The first half of it was just really mundane stressful things. But in the second half it was just scary:

I think I was in St. Louis on the 4th of July. I was watching fireworks from under some sort of bridge or something with lots of other people. Somehow I end up laying next to a creepy older guy (maybe mid 40’s or so), under the same blanket. He looks over at me and just starts jacking off. So I try to get away and he grabs me and I fight him off. The next large chunk of time is spent running away and trying to fight him off with my pocket knife. But the knife is useless on him, no matter how much I cut and stab him he doesn’t seem to even care. Cutting into his skin is like cutting into rubber. I think he cuts my arm a few times too. So I’m running away and somehow end up in the backyard of one of my old best friends in St.Louis. Her mom is out in the backyard planting flowers or something. I’m obviously distressed but she refuses to help me. I run across the street into our old house and start to lock the windows. I see him walking around my outside, in that slow and deliberately creepy kind of way. He stares in at me from the windows occasionally. I try calling 911, but I get no dial tone or anything. And then I hear a window opening.

And then I wake up terrified, refusing to go back to sleep. It was really scary.

I think I have been really off center the past few days. I went to bed really anxious and unstable. I think I need some sun. As much as I love rain, the short gloomy days get to me.