We just saw Harry Potter tonight. A few thoughts: The kid who plays Harry Potter already looks too old for his role, but is now also very hot, even with those doofy glasses. The animated newspaper is cool and the cat plates. I have seen way too many movies lately. They’re fun and all, but too many starts to make my brain feel like mush. And it’s sort of one of the signs that I need really figure things out for myself and get my life together.
Signs that I need to get my self together.
• excessive, expensive, impulsive shopping sprees
• willingly vegging out to several movies a week
• seeking out the company of strangers
• wasting my time on craigslist
• feeling like everyone i know is more interesting than me
• feeling like I don’t have things to talk about with other people
I’m not entirely sure what getting my life together actually entails. I’m not entire sure why it actually needs to get back together because I’m not sure it went anywhere. I dunno I just have this strong feeling that something needs to change and that I need to do it. Maybe I’m just being weird.
Keeping Busy
I’ve actually spent a lot of the past few weeks being social and trying to get in shape. Started running again, my new record is 4 miles in an hour(still slow), and trying to keep track what I’m eating. Picked up Freakonomics from the library this weekend. Every time I see the cover of the book in the store I want to pick it up, so I figured I should see what it’s about. Only about halfway through but it’s interesting, a lot of little mini stories about how different things are actually connected.
Personal
This is probably not the best place to be writing about this, but I feel like it anyways. I am sort of regretting the break up. It was thought out, but it also seemed somewhat impulsive in retrospect. I think we have been getting along better since then but it’s kinda weird because I still have these strong urges to wrap my arms around him and kiss him. But at the same time I get the distinct feeling he’d rather I keep my distance. Which I suppose isn’t actually all that different and pretty much why it wasn’t working out for us to begin with. It’s weird because we haven’t really talked about it since then and it’s sort of like nothing happened.
I really wish I had someone to cuddle with tonight. I miss feeling wanted. But I guess as my mother says, if you don’t love yourself, who will? What I really need to work on is enjoying my own company again, rather than look for someone else to just artificially fill that void.